One Daughter’s Story in Plano, TX: How NOT to Act Toward a Home Care Provider

I have known for quite some time that the risk of falls among seniors increases as they age. I also know that falling is the number one cause of accidental death among seniors. It is one of the reasons why I hired home care services for my aging mother.

I guess I assumed that any issues my mother had would be reported to me by the in-home care provider. I tried to keep an open line of communication with the caregiver, but one day last week I found out that my mother fell over a week earlier, and apparently it was a hard fall.

Needless to say I was extremely upset. First I wanted to make sure that my mother was okay. She reported some pain in her ankle as well as her shoulder, but she didn’t go to the hospital for x-rays. I asked her why and she said that she didn’t think anything was broken. I asked her why the in-home care provider didn’t take her and she shrugged her shoulders and said she didn’t know, but that it was no big deal.

By this point I was extremely furious. I waited with my mother at her house to confront the caregiver when she arrived for her shift. My mother told me that everything was fine, that it was just a minor accident and that it was no big deal. I told her that it was a big deal, that falls can lead to significant injuries and even some injuries that we are not aware of at the time. I don’t think my mother understood how serious the situation was.

When the in-home care provider showed up, I glared at her. She looked at me and I could tell she knew something was wrong. So I told her I knew about the fall. She nodded and said, “Okay.”

This set me off. I yelled at her and told her how irresponsible she was and that she didn’t care about my mother and she should’ve called me and so many other things. She remained calm but she was disappointed in me. She looked at my mother and told her everything would be okay, but then she walked out.

I followed her to find her on the phone. She was calling the home care services agency that had placed her with my mother. She told them that she needed to be removed from this hostile situation.

My mother really liked this caregiver and I had ruined it for her because I overreacted to the situation that was, I learned later, well under control. The in-home care provider had told her supervisor at the agency about the fall. She had written up a report and they had decided, based on my mother’s assessment of herself, as well as their own, that no other care would be required at that time.

I tried to apologize but the damage I had done was too great. I should have remained calm and appreciated the fact that my mother was okay and then try to understand why they didn’t tell me. It turns out that it was my mother who asked that I not be told. She was worried that I would overreact. Go figure.